Ugly Baby Contest (1999)

This was our first album, ten songs recorded in ten hours at Why Me? Studios in Gibbsboro, NJ. It was quite a project, and all of our classics are on this album.

Recoded by:
Dave Chapman - trombone
Gian Chung - clarinet
Dino Lionetti - alto sax, bari sax, keyboards
Roger Martinez - bass guitar & vocals
Bill McCall - vocals
Mike McCormick - vocals
Pete Milder - trumpet & back up vocals
Ryan Soloby - drums
Dan Tarng - guitar, violin, vocals, & backup vocals
Ed Tsang - guitar
Adam Wellen - tenor sax

Dave's Robot Army

Album: Ugly Baby Contest (1999)
Background: This was done for an Eastern Robotics Team animation for their first competition, but they decided not to use it. It's stuck around with the band anyway...

Dave Chapman! Dave Chapman!

Dave Chapman, Dave Chapman, Dave Chapman, Dave Chapman!

Swingmeister

Album: Ugly Baby Contest (1999)
Background: Ryan, Dave, & Roger played Mortal Combat for eight hours one night instead of sleeping. Ryan then scribbled out some lyrics instead of sleeping, which eventually became Swingmeister...

Swingmeister is the eater of souls
Swingmeister makes us suffer his woes
Swingmeister he can alter reality…

Spinmaster, Lord of Disaster
He wants to challenge Swingmeister
Rip tide! Gets sucked under
Who will clean their clocks?

Swingmeister in bezerker mode
Fights like Wildabeast you cannot control
Using powers never revealed before…

Spinmaster, fights like Scorpion
Animality, brutality, medallion
Swingmeister takes them one at a time
He stops em all and comes out fine

Two fighters in a deadly clash
Come together in a bloody crash
Fighting! Deadly carnage
Who will walk away?

Smoke hangs over the desolate valley
Behind each warlord the armies rally
“Attack!” They come together
They’ll fight forever more

Spanish is Special

Album: Ugly Baby Contest (1999)
Background: Spanish is Special was orginally done by that legendary band The Homeowners for a *gasp* spanish project. It became a mainstay in their set. When Homeowners Dave Chapman & Ryan Soloby entered DTP, the song was redone...

A-B-C-Ch-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-ll-M-N-N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Zeta!

Tengo miedo del pan tostado
Tengo miedo del pan tostado
Tengo! Miedo! Del pan! Tostado!
Tengo miedo del pan tostado…..zeta!

Uno-dos-tres-cuatro!

Spanish is Special, Spanish is Special!
Spanish is Special, Spanish is Special!
Spanish is Special, Spanish is Special!
Spanish is Special, Spanish is Special!

Surf Boys

Album: Ugly Baby Contest (1999)
Background: This fairly typical surf song appeared out of early DTP jamming. Billus threw in lyrics and the song has been in nearly every DTP set since...

Sitting on the beach with my girl
She's in tight clothes and looks really swell
Then up from the water - a terrible noise
Yelling and Screaming- they're the Surf Boys!

Oh yeah, Surf Boys, oh yeah!

Running up in trunks all covered in gold
Rockin' and surfin' dude they can't be old
Frankie and Annette gotta idolize
Those Surf Boys styles and that gleam in their eyes

Oh yeah, Surf Boys, oh yeah!

Dancing and Grooving right there on the beach
Man, that coolness - right in my reach!
Playing with all the groovy beach toys
Hey man, watch out, its the Surf Boys!

Oh yeah, Surf Boys, oh yeah!

Heroes in Hawaiian Shirts

Album: Ugly Baby Contest (1999) and Return of the Sequel (2000)
Background: This is Ed's song about every trite, wannabe "rock" band. At least that's our story, and we're sticking to it!

Obsessed with the fame of the rock n’ roll gods
Big false idols with the shiny guitars
Livin out the American dream
Of pain, anguish, and Hawaiian trees
Brother, sister come along
To hear me play my cover song
Sayin’ crap you can’t understand
Cause I can scream louder than you can!

Am I one in a million? Will I burn out in the sun?
Does it matter if I die or live out all my empty dreams?

One can sense the devil near
To turn a life to a world of fear
Sold my soul to be the best
Playin’ better than the rest

Livin’ the life of rock n’ roll
Nothing else can fill this hole
All the power, all the fame
To ease the mind, to hide the shame

Am I one in a million? Will I burn out in the sun?
Does it matter if I die or live out all my empty dreams?

Hereos in Hawaiian shirts
Dream of bliss in a world of hurt
Born to suffer from boy to man
Forever stuck in a four piece band

Played my covers to the fullest degree
Devil’s finger’s pointing at me
Sold my soul to be the best
Now I burn out like the rest

Am I one in a million? Will I burn out in the sun?
Does it matter if I die or live out all my empty dreams?

Simon Spellmont: Space Speller

Album: Ugly Baby Contest (1999)
Background: This song by Pete Milder has some rather odd lyrics written by Dan Tarng, which generally are about a drinking binge. This song was jokingly titled "This Song Does Not Begin With 'S'" at first, so Ryan Soloby of course renamed it "Simon Spellmont: Space Speller"

Intoxication! Simon shot his glass
He drove his car through the fairy tale pass
Will-o-whisp then tickles his fancy
Off into the woods, his morbid prancing

Calling to the trees, his infernal screaming
The sun loses life when the moon is beaming
Through the canopy, destroys and creates
Gone is light of good, the forest aches

Vilification: Simon lost his mind
Onto the others, words become knives
Mastication: He burns inside
Cannot control the urges, cannot abide

Intoxication: Simon slipped on grass
Pricks of nuisance grooved into his ass
The whites of his eyes slowly disappear
Blood marks a stain, now struck with fear

He looks north into the cloudy black
No star to guide, cannot look back
The bleeding of the trees, he hallucinates
Barks of the elders become the dog

His soul is blue, his eyes are red
Hard to communicate these thoughts in his head
His body exhausted slumps into bed
Wakes up tomorrow with the living dead

Intoxication! Cursed is his soul
Can no longer give to his forgotten doles
Rehabilitation! It’s too late
His body is now surrounded by yellow tape

Calling to the trees his infernal screaming
The sun loses life when the moon is beaming
Through the canopy, destroys and creates
Gone is the light of good, the forest aches

His soul is blue, his eyes are red
Hard to communicate these thoughts in his head
His body exhausted slumps into bed
Wakes up tomorrow with the living dead

Intoxication! Simon shot his glass
He drove his car through the fairy tale pass
Will-o-whisp then tickles his fancy
Off into the woods, his morbid prancing

Calling to the trees, his infernal screaming
The sun loses life when the moon is beaming
Through the canopy, destroys and creates
Gone is light of good, the forest aches

Vilification: Simon lost his mind
Onto the others, words become knives
Mastication: He burns inside
Cannot control the urges, cannot abide

His soul is blue, his eyes are red
Hard to communicate these thoughts in his head
His body exhausted slumps into bed
Wakes up tomorrow with the living dead

Calling to the trees his infernal screaming
The sun loses life when the moon is beaming
Through the canopy, destroys and creates
Gone is the light of good, the forest aches

Super Newt

Album: Ugly Baby Contest (1999)
Background: Once upon a time, The Homeowners had a song written about sledding at the house of Tom Ricart that was called, oddly enough, "Sledding at Toms". For some reason, Tom's older brother Dan thought that the song should be called "Sledding at the Ricarts" to be impartial. When Mike got on the bus that day to go home, he quickly scribbled out some verses on paper about Dan. Joe Cohen added a verse, Ed added some music, and Pete threw in a rap solo and hence "Super Newt" was born...

Dan Ricart is Super Newt
Long green cape and groovy suit
Tries to punch but he does fan
All the time he screams, “I’m Dan!”

Middle child syndrome for siblings he has two
We all love Tom and Vikki so what’s Dan gonna do?

Flies around and eats small bugs
Eats green plants and beats up thugs
Lives inside a small tin can
But we all yell, “We love you Dan!”

Dan Ricart is Super Newt
Long green cape and groovy suit
Tries to punch but he does fan
All the time he screams, “I’m Dan!”

Homeowners song “Sledding at Toms”
But Danny says “Hey where’s my song?”

Rescues dames and rescues planes
Doesn’t really care for fame
Love to dance when it does rain
And he yells “We’re all the same!”

Dan Ricart is Super Newt
Long green cape and groovy suit
Tries to punch but he does fan
All the time he screams, “I’m Dan!”

Fuller’s packets bring him down
But you’ll never see Dan frown

Baseball is Dan’s favorite game
Oakland A’s are his team main
Albert Belle! Dan can tame!
Let Dan play in that big game!

Singin' Dan Ricart is the Supernewt
in the long green super hero suit
Evil doers beware, stay off the streets
Dan Ricart is bringin' in the heat
Ladies get ready, Dan's on the town
He'll rock your world till you lose the frown
He's got a gold tooth, ya know he's hardcore
He'll show you good time, then he'll show you the door

Dan Ricart is Super Newt
Long green cape and groovy suit
Tries to punch but he does fan
All the time he screams, “I’m Dan!”

Now you’ve heard of Dan the Newt
Remember girls he’s really cute

Middle child syndrome for siblings he has two
We all love Tom and Vikki so what’s Dan gonna do?
Homeowners song “Sledding at Toms”
But Danny says, “Hey, where’s my song?”
Fuller’s packets bring him down
But you’ll never see Dan frown
Now you’ve heard of Dan the Newt
Remember girls he’s really cute

Dan Ricart is Super Newt
Long green cape and groovy suit
Tries to punch but he does fan
All the time he screams, “I’m Dan!”

Back to Wok

Album: Ugly Baby Contest (1999)
Background: A last second jober by Dan Tarng for our first album. It sounds like it belongs at a Jewish wedding...

*Instrumental*

Valour

Album: Ugly Baby Contest (1999)
Background: This was the last song written for the first album. It screams "ROGER MARTINEZ" to anyone who knows him, and the recording of it really doesn't do it justice, expecially compared to the live renditions where Roger would sing. It also has the only bad word found in a DTP song, but it isn't written here, nor is it in the recording...

Now this is the hour, this the dawning of the truth
Our deliverance delivered by the icy hand of God
Let me follow you to see this place where we can hide
And I'll let you know for certain we were born a freer animal

Its hard to tell the difference between mass and individual
And its hard to make a difference when you're stuck there in the middle
Like a cattle in the herd, like a lamb led for the slaughter
Compromise your mind while you're learning how to smile

But if ignorance is bliss, why are we not satisfied
And if silence is golden why aren't we shiny or precious?
Let's take our silence as an admission of guilt
That we never had a word to say, except what we were told to.

Its difficult to act when you've got no inspiration.
And its easier to drown when your surrounded by a thousand
Cause the first one to take action is rare being to come by
Unless he is alone.....

But this is no cause to alarm
Erase it from your mind
Smile and breath the carbon monoxide.

That you've always fed upon...

Underneath the Dark Cathedral

Album: Ugly Baby Contest (1999)
Background: This was a Roger peice of the Ed vs Roger masterpeice arms race. It is the sequel to "Swingmeister".

Underneath the Dark Cathedral
In the basement one on one
Swingmeister and Spinmaster
The second battle has begun

Lightning flash tears through the dark
Revealing two figures
One is mighty, the other stark
Non stop fighting leaves its mark

Underneath the Dark Cathedral
In the basement one on one
Swingmeister and Spinmaster
The second battle has begun

A greater motive seals their fate
With whom will they side?
They battle below in the bordello
In the dungeon of despise

Battle ravaged cathedral
Ceiling comes crashing down
Knocking over all the statues
Turning smiles into frowns

Underneath the Dark Cathedral
In the basement one on one
Swingmeister and Spinmaster
The second battle has begun